What happens when the person you thought you were marrying turns out to be someone different?
What do you do when your kind and sweet husband turns out to be still kind and sweet but lazy. My husband hasn’t been working for 9 months, I’ve been the one paying for EVERYTHING. It was ok for a while, but now it’s really getting on my nerves. We’ve only been married 17 months, and he’s only worked for a few months of that on and off.
It’s not even just the fact that he’s not working, but also about what he’s doing with his time when he’s not working. I’m very big on self development, I’m a highly motivated and ambitious person, I do a 9 to 5 IT job and then come home, have a bath, have something to eat and start working on my home business I’m setting up.
Obviously I realise that not everyone is the same as me and I don’t expect him to be as driven as I am. But he just seems to be lazy, he reads loads of those motivational books, but actually does nothing, once he’s read them. When I met him he was an international student, and was obviously restricted in the kind of work he could do and the hours. I really thought that was what was holding him back from getting anywhere and that once we married, he’d be able to get a decent job and we’d share the financial responsibility of running the home. What’s actually happened is that he spends a couple of hours a day applying for Security Jobs, which he keeps getting turned down for (which I don’t get as he has an SIA license) and office jobs that are way out of his league. I’ve even asked him if wants me to review his applications for him, he says ok, but then continues applying for jobs, without asking me.
Since I’ve known him, he hasn’t learnt one skill, I’ve tried to encourage him to pick up some of the IT skills I have, but he’s not interested. I bought him an Microsoft Office book to help him develop his administrative skills, and that ended up the shelf. He’s not a man who’s good with his hands either.
I don’t know what to do, yes he’s a lovely and supportive husband, but he lacks drive and ambition and the desire to develop himself. The sad thing is that, that has always been one of the biggest turn offs for me in a man. Day by Day I’m going off him more, I DETEST lazy men.
I don’t know what to do about this. I don’t want my marriage to end, he really is a lovely human being, but we can’t go on like this. I resent the fact that I’m carrying all the load. Plus I’m scared that if he’s not capable of getting just a basic job, then what hope is there that he’ll be a good provider in future. He wants us to have children now, but I’m scared I’m going to be the one who is o carry the financial burden of raising them and a home.
Am I being unfair or impatient?
PLEASE HELP!!!!
I’m not pushing him to anything, honestly, I’ve just made suggestions, because he hasn’t shown any real interest in anything. I know that everyone has their own area of expertise, but at the same time I do believe that once you have a family it’s not all about what you want, but what is best for the family. I hate my job, but if I stop working to, we’re screwed….
We got married a year after we met.. I really did not see this being a problem, otherwise I honestly would not have married him… I ask myself what would he be doing if he hadn’t met me, how would he eat and feed himself? I am definitely not on any high horse, but I am someone who is ambitious and works hard, there’s nothing wrong with that. I have supported him ways you would not believe, but now it’s getting beyond a joke
He was obviously working when I met him, he had rent to pay and needed to eat…
That’s the thing Batman, he really is great husband apart from the working part… When I was in hospital last year, he was there by my side from morning till night, every day. He is so patient and so kind and loving, plus he’s got the most gorgeous smile 
, that’s what makes this so difficult for me, because I really would like to make my marriage work, but I need him to pull his weight, after all it’s only fair isn’t it?